This comparison is important. The difference in these two birthdays is important. These photos are taken exactly a year apart: the left is my 18th birthday and the right is my 19th birthday. Here’s how these nights went:
18: I went out to a sushi restaurant with close friends and family. I refused to drink my first legal drink. I was wearing 2 pairs of pants and 3 sweaters. I had one bite of sashimi, ran to the bathroom, locked myself in the stall and purged. I refused to come out and my mom had to get the manager to unlock the door. I cried my eyes out and I had to convince the manager to let me sneak out the back because I was too embarrassed to go back to my own birthday party.
19: I met up with the same (with a few additions) group of friends at a pizza and wine bar. I had half a pizza, 3 glasses of wine and a slice of birthday cake. Scratch that, I had my face pushed into a piece of cake. In this picture I am over 30lbs heavier than one year ago today. I am wearing a thin tank top. I am warm, I am fulfilled and I love myself. (I am also pretty drunk).
I want you to know that recovery is 100% possible. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Some days, it took literally all my strength to push through meals. But I did it, and others can too. Eating disorders are not a “for life” sentence, although they feel like it. With hard work, adventure and patience, you can learn to love yourself again. You can learn to hold yourself together again.
Choosing to let Anorexia consume me would have been one of the last decisions I would have ever made. Choosing recovery was the single greatest decision I’ve ever made.
WOW. JUST WOW.